Doing As 'WE' See Fit

Judges 21:22-25 - When their fathers or brothers complain to us, we will say to them, 'Do us a kindness by helping them, because we did not get wives for them during the war, and you are innocent, since you did not give your daughters to them.' "  So that is what the Benjamites did. While the girls were dancing, each man caught one and carried her off to be his wife. Then they returned to their inheritance and rebuilt the towns and settled in them.  At that time the Israelites left that place and went home to their tribes and clans, each to his own inheritance.  In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit.

 

The Israelites have closure and the book of judges ends. The leaders meet together…cry over the loss of their brothers…realize they have been way too harsh and may have wiped out a whole tribe of Israel.  They made this crazy vow in the heat of their anger…that they would not give their daughters in marriage to the tribe of Benjamin…but now they see how foolish they were in their vow… and they must be super creative to come up with a solution.

 

First they go and kill off a whole town…justifying the deaths of all but the virgin girls because the leaders did not show up at a meeting. This gets them 400 wives.  Then they decide it will be okay for the Benjamite men to ‘kidnap’ the remaining 200 from their own women while they dance at a festival in the fields…justifying this action because they did not ‘give’ these daughters if they were ‘taken.’ 

 

Maybe they felt that because they had cried out to God for answers….and they built an altar to seek his presence...that any solution they came up with was from God.   But I think this story is a reminder of how we sometimes ease our own guilt when we go ahead of God with our own solutions.  It is an example of how we sometimes cry out to God for answers…then leave him totally out of the solution our hearts come up with to solve the problem.

 

This story hit me hard…for it reminded me how I did exactly the same thing when I allowed my heart to justify ending a 30 year marriage. The details are not really important….but let’s just say I ran quickly away from my home….justifying the action because I was hurt…and felt abandoned.  I did not even cry out to God…instead…I let satan wash a sense of justification and freedom over my soul…which gave me the right to leave him out right and never look back to see if the damage done could ever be repaired.

 

I know in my heart that I should have stayed now…at least a little longer…but God was not really a part of my life then.  Other hurts in life had driven me away from the support of the church…and I found myself in exactly the same boat as the Israelites.  My salvation…my past knowledge of the bible…became my own decision maker…and I simply did what felt right to my heart….never once asking God what I should do.  There was no real leader for me to get guidance…so I just did what seemed right.

 

Now here’s the cool thing about how God works.  Even though I got a semblance of closure from my actions…acting on my own…God saw my pain used took the opportunity to use the loneliness and grief that followed to help me realize I needed him in a more tangible way than ever before.  I began searching for a church to worship and rediscovered the power of the great God I brought into my life at 14. And he began to heal my broken heart and help me begin to grow once again.  He is helping me to repair the damage it did to my children….and forgive myself for any actions that might not have been totally in his will.  Our great God is like that…allowing us to run as far as we want from him…then quietly reconnecting us somehow to his love through the natural consequences of our bad choices. 

 

Father…I thank you times infinity that you never leave me…no matter how self-reliant I think I can be.  I thank you for the way you chase after us…and wait for just the right moment to present  your love to us...when we are broken and needing it the most.  Help me to always stop and cry out to you…then patiently wait for your direction and guidance in my next move…to make sure it is your will…and not my own solution.  Thank you for the love and healing you have brought into my life…continue to let your wisdom and discernment flow through my human brain…and help me to never jump ahead of you again. Amen.