John 20:11-14 - and by that time Mary had returned to the tomb and was standing outside crying. And as she wept, she stooped and looked in and saw two white-robed angels sitting at the head and foot of the place where the body of Jesus had been lying. “Why are you crying?” the angels asked her. “Because they have taken away my Lord,” she replied, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” She glanced over her shoulder and saw someone standing behind her. It was Jesus, but she didn’t recognize him!
Jesus had been raised…just as He had told them many times. They went to the tomb and even saw for themselves…but Mary Magdalene did not immediately recognize the truth of what had happened. She went back to the place where they had laid him and cried over her loss…even more so because she could not anoint His dead body as she had planned. She did not let the carefully folded grave clothes give her hope like John and peter…she held on to her grief and continued to mourn. God even sent two angels to speak the truth to her heart…but even that hit a wall of tears.
It took the voice of Jesus to bring her heart to full belief. She thought He was just a gardener at first…but when He spoke …she recognized Him at once. She reached for Him but Jesus warned her not to cling to Him…He had to be transformed somehow in a return to Heaven before human touch would be allowed. Instead of a hug or touch of comfort He quickly gave her a job….to go and tell the disciples that she had seen him.
I understand Mary so well in this passage. I had flashbacks of my own loss in Mitchell as soon as I read about her deep emotions that morning. She was so disturbed that two angels could not convince her to stop mourning... it took a visit by Jesus Himself to dispel the misery she felt in losing her best friend. God did the same thing for me…letting me crawl up in His lap for days till I had let go of all the sadness and tears that I needed too. Then he gave me a new purpose for life…calling me to begin a new task…writing about His marvelous story…testifying how he comforted me and changed my life to be more full than I ever imagined with His love.
My guess is that I am not alone…we have all had an experience like Mary Magdalene at some point in our life. Perhaps God has been sending you angels…but you are still having trouble accepting your loss as anything allowed by God. Try crawling up in God’s lap and letting Him hold you while you cry it out…then listen for the job He will give you to help give your pain some purpose. His voice will be softer than you have ever heard it…but if you listen as Mary did…its love will power you through the pain that holds you in mourning.
Father…thank you for reminding me that your voice and love contain all that I ever needed. Forgive me for allowing my pain to blind me to the angels you sent to help me. Thank you again for not allowing me to stay in my pain…but letting me stay in your lap as long as I needed to feel strong and bold once again. Help me to listen even closer to the still small voice that tells me how to use it to testify and give glory to you for how you have changed my life. Amen.
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