Exercise Your Faith

Genesis 50:1-6 -  Then Joseph fell on his father's face, and wept over him, and kissed him.  And Joseph commanded his servants the physicians to embalm his father. So the physicians embalmed Israel; forty days were required for it, for so many are required for embalming. And the Egyptians wept for him seventy days.  And when the days of weeping for him were past, Joseph spoke to the household of Pharaoh, saying, "If now I have found favor in your eyes, speak, I pray you, in the ears of Pharaoh, saying,  My father made me swear, saying, 'I am about to die: in my tomb which I hewed out for myself in the land of Canaan, there shall you bury me.' Now therefore let me go up, I pray you, and bury my father; then I will return."  And Pharaoh answered, "Go up, and bury your father, as he made you swear." 

Tears of sorrow are so deep felt. The pain Joseph felt was very physical….and he fell upon him and wept…and kissed him. He had his Egyptian servants and the physicians of the day preserve the body as if Jacob was Egyptian too. He followed the beliefs of that culture…maybe out of respect for Pharaoh…maybe out of pure need… for he knew it would be some time before he could follow through with his promise to his father. He followed the rituals of the culture God had placed him in..then he approached Pharaoh and  told him of his promise….of the need to return for a short while to bury his father Jacob among this descendants...in the tomb that was purchased in the promised land of Canaan.  And the trust he had built over the years…allowed Pharaoh to quickly grant his request….so Joseph could honor his father…and say goodbye in the traditional Jewish way of burial.

 I understand Joseph’s pain all too well. The moment that I knew Mitchell was really gone sent stabs of pain through every part of my body.  It was hard to even draw a breath as I tried to process that God had truly taken him away from me. The deep sorrow parked in my heart for days as I tried to regroup and figure out what God needed from me that would necessitate removing one of the best Earthly gifts he ever gave me. Tears flowed like a faucet…with no warning for months. The incredulous reality that God would bless our marriage…then call Mitchell home after a month sent more than my head spinning in disbelief. It felt as if a huge weight…a 1000 pound anvil…had been placed on my shoulders…and I woke each day hoping it was just a dream.

But like Joseph…today…almost two full years since his passing…I am finding peace as I hold God’s hand through this deep pain. He has drawn me closer to him as I search for new purpose.  He has redefined my faith in ways I never dreamed were possible. He has strengthened me through the pain of loss. Oh how inconceivable are the ways of God. Just as it states in Romans 11:33-36 -  “O the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! "For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?"  "Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?"  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory for ever. Amen.”

Joseph knew God in a way that most of us never grasp. We plod through life expecting God to bless us and give us everything we ask for….we never truly understand the depth of his love for us…and how it can empower us to do his work. I battle every day the forces of evil that try to trick me into holding onto the past and not moving forward into the richness of God’s plan for me. Joseph trusted God’s unseen promise…to give his father’s people….the descendants of Abram…a land rich with honey and good things.  Joseph trusted his father’s God…who said he would make a great nation of the children who grew from Abram’s seed. Joseph had a deep faith that came from years of loving and trusting God. The commentary in the Life application bible I am using to read and study right now put it this way…… “Our faith is like a muscle…it grows with exercise, gaining strength over time.

Father…I thank you for the last two years of growth.  I thank you for the reminder to leave the deep pain of loss in the past… and allow you to use it to teach me how to depend more on you. I thank you for the short time you granted me such amazing love. Make me strong like Joseph…increase my faith in you….even if it means I must feel the earthly pains of loss and sadness as you teach me how to cling to you. Give me strength and wisdom for the days ahead….help me to grow even more in your love…and become a strong tree….fruitful…beside your fountain of living water…as long as you grant me breath on this Earth. Amen.