Self Doubt

Exodus 4:1-5 -  Then Moses answered, "But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say, 'The LORD did not appear to you.'"  The LORD said to him, "What is that in your hand?" He said, "A rod."  And he said, "Cast it on the ground." So he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from it.  But the LORD said to Moses, "Put out your hand, and take it by the tail" --so he put out his hand and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand--  "that they may believe that the LORD, the God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has appeared to you." 

Moses was suffering from self doubt…over anticipation of the difficulty of the task God had called him to do. Moses saw the mistakes of his past and how they had damaged him….but God saw what he had in his hand at the moment and challenged him to be something new. Moses saw his flaws and the inadequacies that Satan used to bind him in the past…..God saw the ordinary thing in Moses hand that he could transform into something miraculous. Moses was trapped in the past…..but God wanted to release him to become a vessel for the future.

Moses was so trapped by Satan’s lies that he begged God to send someone else, but God’s irritation finally convinced him as God spoke these words of comfort….even through his anger in verse 14, “Then the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses and he said, "Is there not Aaron, your brother, the Levite? I know that he can speak well; and behold, he is coming out to meet you, and when he sees you he will be glad in his heart.”

I am so like Moses.  I can make a huge list of reasons why I am not qualified to teach. I can list 20 things I did wrong as I sang with the choir this week.  I am sure that sweet English professor from Carson-Newman College who gave me a F+ on my first essay in college…would still find enough mistakes in my writing to keep me from getting an A+. If I sit long enough…I can talk myself out of doing any task …because I don’t feel like I am capable…competent….even worthy of the task.

But that is the beauty of God. Faith calls me to believe that God will use every mistake to his benefit. That classroom becomes a holy ground where God can work his supernatural power through me and touch lives…my meager voice can be anointed at just the right moment to touch a heart in the congregation with God’s great command….each word that I write can convict me of my need to be more confident in who he is making me to be…so that Satan’s power over my mind is destroyed…and God’s supernatural power is released in my life through the ordinary things I touch every day. Amazing!

Oh father…how I need your anger to kindle a passion in my own heart to stay focused on you.  Show me how to release your power in the ordinary things around me this day…and defeat Satan. Make me strong…and help me see a glimpse of the good that I can accomplish through your supernatural work in my life. Open my eyes to see what I hold in my hand…and show me how to use it to speak the truth of your word…and help others see your love. Amen.