Contentment

1 Timothy 6:6-12 - But godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.  But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.  People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.  But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.  Fight the good fight of the faith.

Paul knew well that contentment does not come from the external things of this world. He had learned that true contentment…the ability to be happy with your life situation good or bad…comes from a deep relationship with God.  Paul did not have to search for inner peace...he carried it with him everywhere he went.  His heart was so full of God….his mind so completely focused on God’s will for his life that he was able to endure beatings…mockery…and prison cells.  The love of God was so powerful that it overflowed as he was being persecuted…or broke out in praise hymns at midnight in the very chains he had been locked up in….amazing!

I have to admit that contentment is hard for me. I understand this warning from Paul all too well. The loneliness you are forced into when you are divorced….the rejection of a love you knew for 30 years…it hits your self esteem pretty hard. I found myself using shopping therapy to fill many of the lonely hours of the day and night that were not filled with work. The search for things consumes you fast…it is something to do…it is fun…and the compliments I got on many of my new ‘things’ deceived me into thinking that I was loved again.  The ‘fix’ I got from shopping…is really no different from the ‘fix’ of any junkie or alcoholic. It consumed my time and kept me from seeking help from God.  And even now…as I find myself losing my second spouse to death…the loneliness…the need for companionship is still strong…especially since I have pretty much mastered the shopping disease.  It is so hard some days to be content…to truly accept and be at peace with being alone.

That is really what Paul is warning us about….to not let our desire for things consume our hearts.  The money he blesses us with can become a stumbling block…a distraction.   I am remembering the rich young ruler Jesus spoke of in Mark 10. He had been blessed with a great many things…money had become such a part of his life he walked away from salvation for fear of losing it.  I know this trap all too well…Satan tricked me for years into filling my heart with so many things that would keep me from finding out what a close friend God could really be.  Contentment means I do not allow the old habits to trick me again…I must search for new ways to share God…to study with others…maybe a bible study in my home for the summer.

I can truly say that my daily bible reading…prayer time…the writing task God has given me…these activities have have truly given me the strength and power to recover from this addiction.  The time I have spent learning about the God I love so much has given me the strength to stop filling my days with shopping for other ‘things’ to fill my time.  I am beginning to understand how my love for God can help me through any storm.  I am beginning to understand that the ‘things’ I buy need to have a purpose…I have even been able to leave one of the bedrooms in my sweet rental empty. I have the money to go out and furnish it…but there is this peace…this sense that I need to wait…for I have not been told how this room will be used by God.

Father…I come in thankfulness once again today for all the blessings you have given me. I am so sorry that I let the love of things fill my heart so much. Thank you for loving me so much that you kept trying to break through the wall Satan had built in my heart.  Thank you for breaking the chains of addiction and teaching me that I can do all things with the power you can place in my heart from your word. Help me today to continue to search for ways to keep you foremost in my heart…bind Satan far away from me as I search your bible and pray to you to reveal your master plan for my life.  Help me to learn to use the resources you have given me to further your kingdom. And God…that bible study…make that happen if it is part of your plan.  Give me the knowledge I need to be your vessel.  Amen.